London Airport Announcements

This is the story.....

We'd go and sit on the balcony at Terminal 3 at Heathrow Airport, directly under one of the PA speakers where we put a tape machine in a bag with the microphone poking out of the top. Then we'd look for a flight that had arrived in the last 40 minutes from somewhere where you'd expect people with unpronounceable names i.e. Saudi Arabia.

We would then go to the Airport Help Desk with a prewritten note containing the names of fictitious passengers and ask them to read out the names over the PA system.

The passenger's names looked innocent enough on paper but they sounded like something else when read out loud.

Looks Like...	Sound	Reads Like...
Arheddis Varkenjaab and Aywellbe Fayed		I hate this fucking job, and I will be fired
Arjevbin Fayed and Bybeiev Rhibodie		I've just been fired, and bye-bye everybody
Aynayda Pizaqvick and Malexa Krost		I need a piss quick, and my legs are crossed
Awul Dasfilshabeda and Nowaynayda Zheet		Oo-ah, that 's better and now I need a shit
Makollig Jezvahted and Levdaroum DeBahzted		My colleague just farted, and left the room, the bastard
Steelaygot Maowenbach and Tuka Piziniztee		Still, I got my own back and took a piss in his tea

We got rumbled doing the "My colleague just, etc." They actually threatened to arrest us as apparently they'd received complaints over the previous weeks!

The last one (Still, I got my own back...) was recorded at Gatwick airport which does not have such a good sound system, and is generally a much noisier place, so that's why is sounds crap!